Because Too Many of These F*ckers Clog Up Crusher's Coffeehouse

Errata

It has come to Crusher's attention that Crusher has not included Ms. L. the Freakishly Uncool in Crusher's list of crushes. While Crusher already has instructed Crusher's legal representation to draw up papers, to be delivered to Ms. Freakishly Uncool's squadron of attorneys, that explain the matter in full detail, nonetheless Crusher wants to explain here the essential basis for that omission.

Crusher did not include Ms. Freakishly Uncool in Crusher's list of crushes for the fairly pertinent reason that Crusher does not have a crush on her. That omission is, therefore, not one of the errors implied in this post's subject line.

No, the first error lies in Crusher not also stating that Ms. Lina the Freakishly C. is . . . the epitome, the quintessence, the incarnation, the Form of lovely womanness. She is Crusher's Laura. She is Crusher's Beatrice. She is a righteous babe, in other words. No, she is the most righteous most babe. To call her one of Crusher's crushes, therefore, is to call the Sistine Chapel a hasty pencil sketch on the back of a damp beer mat.

The second error?

Opening the door this morning.

The fucking bastard fucking Lina sent to fuck up Crusher's face fucking well fucked up Crusher's face.

Fuck, that hurt.

And then that fucking bastard, after fucking well fucking up Crusher's fucking face, fucking peed on Crusher's fucking carpet.

Christ. OK. It will make her happy.

Four First Names of Crushes Crusher's Had
1. Valerie
2. Helena
3. Lorie
4. Robin

Four Pieces of Clothing Crusher Wishes Crusher Still Owned
1. The first and only leather jacket
2. Cowboy boots from 2d grade
3. That green t-shirt
4. The black wool sweater

Four Names Crusher Has Been Called at One Time or Another
1. Grammar Fucker
2. Satan
3. T
4. Crusher

Four Professions Crusher Secretly Wants to Try
1. Bread baker
2. Drummer
3. Doctor
4. Filmmaker

Four Musicians Crusher Most Wants to Go On a Date With
1. Emmylou Harris
2. Nanci Griffith
3. Lucinda Williams
4. Margo Timmins

Four Foods Crusher Would Rather Throw than Eat
1. Sheep testicles
2. Paper airplanes
3. Golden Delicious apples
4. Any other kind of testicles

Four Things Crusher Likes to Sniff
1. Old books
2. Crusher's t-shirt after working out
3. Magic markers
4. Coffee

Four People to Tag: Pointless. Not even four people read this blog. Hell, Crusher doesn't even read it.

Inflicted on Crusher by Lina. As most things are.

Fuuuuuuuck

Silence, exile, and cunning

"Believe me, the only thing a writer can ever regret is those occasions when he followed anything but the prompting of his own heart and intellect; and mind you, the applies to the smallest particular. Silence, exile, and cunning: Joyce was right."

~Shelby Foote, in a letter to Walker Percy

Crusher misses Mr. Foote being among us. He was arrogant, self-absorbed, cynical, and righteously pissed off at the stupidities and cruelties of our breed. And Mr. Foote truly didn't give a fuck what you thought. About anything.

Amen and amen.

From Gospodinov's Natural Novel

Mutual antipathy, like its opposite, has no need of excuses.

All that crap stuck in that bastard phony's razor

You're The Catcher in the Rye!

by J.D. Salinger

You are surrounded by phonies, and boy are you sick of them! In an
ongoing struggle to search for a land without phonies, you end up running away from
everything, from school to consequences. In this process, you reveal that many people
in your life have suffered torments and all you really want to do is catch them as
they fall. Perhaps using a baseball mitt. Your biggest fans are infamous
psychotics.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Crusher blames Lina for this phony quiz.