Flann O'Brien: Not As Good As A Squirrel, But Still Pretty Damn Good

'Is it life?' he answered. 'I would rather be without it,' he said, 'for there is queer small utility in it. You cannot eat it or drink it or smoke it in your pipe, it does not keep the rain out and it is a poor armful in the dark if you strip it and take it to bed with you after a night of porter when you are shivering with the red passion. It is a great mistake and a thing better done without, like bed-jars and foreign bacon.'

The Third Policeman